Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Since My Angels Grew Wings....

    After Watching Last Nights Episode of "Secret Life of an American Teenager" I will Admit I could Not stop Crying! I felt as though I could not swallow and as if  was reliving my loss all over again, although I knew thats what this episode was leading up to, ever since last week I watched any ways.

   Last week One of the character says she doesn't feel everything is ok so they make an apt for the Dr. even after having seen the Dr. earlier that day. Just reminded me of how no matter who told me I was fine and Paranoid I KNEW something was wrong and when I went in found out my Baby had grown wings, but my other baby was still there but slowly fading 2 days later they had both grown wings.

    Although she knew something was wrong she was excited she might finally get to meet her baby so she packed eagerly for the hospital, and Reinded me of that morning at 5 am when I got up and decided it was time to head to the ER. I was nervous but was some how excited knowing I might get to see my angels on the U/S machine. But when The U/S tech would not tell me anything until she called in for a 2nd opinion, and the guy walks in confirms what she had thought to be no heart beat, I broke down! I could not handle that blow, I must have slept for what seemed like 12 hours after that not wanting to do anything. Their EDD approaches around this time of year and every year I make 2 cup cakes Blue and pink S& J and Let go of balloons outside, Jayden Loves to see them go but  gets mad when they don't come back. I can't say I hate that it happened because shortly after ( going against my Dr.s wishes) The Mr. came back from sea him and I got straight to conceiving Our Little Monster Jayden and I would Not change him for the world. I am Thankful my angels sent me a Little Miracle and Blessing in Disguise!

     Very sad episode, and it just flung back so many memories, and Had I not gotten pregnant again I don't kow How i would have dealt with my loss alone while the Mr. Was out to sea.

    Hope Everyone has a Great day! I'm off to finish ( and stop procrastinating) getting ready for work.... (After I upload some pictures) lol I am only Joking! those can wait till later

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